The Value of Preparation in Aging

This post is a tribute to my dad– and a reminder of the things that we should be doing to take care of our kids. Full disclosure, my “dad,” Dan, adopted me when I was 22 years old. I was encouraged by my fiancé in about 1996 to reestablish a relationship with my birth father, Burt, and we have a good relationship.

My dad started failing mentally and physically significantly in 2022 when we were stationed in Hawaii and moving to Texas. I’m convinced God opened up the assignment at Fort Hood, TX to allow me to care for him, as I was originally slated to go to Korea solo for a year.

My dad never married, and Shelly called him “the ultimate bachelor.” He collected cars, motorcycles, antique (1920’s) radios, computers, clocks, etc. He enjoyed figuring out how things worked, fixing them, and making them better. He rebuilt a 1930 Ford Model A so that Shelly and I had a great car to go from our wedding to the reception at his house.

Between 2018-2019, he moved from California (where he had lived for about 52 years) back to Wisconsin where he was born and lived for the first 25 or so years of his life. He moved to reconnect with his family. I had been in the Army for 10 years, and we were stationed almost always about 3,000 miles away in either direction.

In 2022, we moved my dad into a memory care facility in Wisconsin where I was able to visit every couple of months. We were able to move him to Texas then to Virginia to be near us. We recently moved my dad about 3 miles from a clinical-type nursing home to an assisted living facility that hosts a smaller number of residents and has better care. Here’s the tribute part for now, and why I think this post is important. My dad took the time to update his will, powers of attorney (medical and durable POA), and other important documents when he got established in Wisconsin (age 78). These documents have been a huge blessing to me, as I assumed POA for him in the summer of 2022 and have slowly assumed all the other decisions for him as it became necessary. Upcoming posts may say how to use a POA in the best way possible to serve those you represent.

I’d encourage people reading this to update (or create) those documents with a lawyer—or even online—to ensure that those you trust and those who love you can care for you if needed.

The hardest part for me, other than the emotional weight of watching my dad decline over the past 3-1/2 years, was using the POAs for his financial institutions. When he started to decline, he was defrauded by someone who was trying to use him, so they locked his accounts down. I went through multiple levels of verification and in-person visits to gain access and manage his financial accounts. It was worth it but was time-consuming. My leadership gave me latitude to care for my dad’s needs and allowed me to take time away (leave and pass, as needed) to visit him as we got him established. I went from weekly phone calls to multiple trips from Hawaii and Texas to Wisconsin, taking over management of accounts and real estate.

I have to say it again, thanks, Dad, for doing your best to allow me to help you as you entered the twilight of your life. You taught me a lot about life, encouraged me to pursue my dreams of the military (only God knew that I would end up as an Army Chaplain), and it was fun to see you grow in Christ as you followed his calling to serve well.

I pray often for you and ask that God would give you some clarity to communicate before you go to be with your Savior in Heaven.